just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
