why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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