You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
