We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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