Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
