woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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