i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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