I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
