Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
