I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
