Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
