I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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