And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
