you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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