He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
