bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
