Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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