Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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