You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
