i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
