What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
