This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
