No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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