his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
