new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
