Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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