Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
