it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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