How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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