He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He has the fingertips of a God
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