Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize