I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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