How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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