We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
