mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
