Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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