i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
