The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
