I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
