I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
