An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
