dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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