he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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