FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
