there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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