Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
