Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
