I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want her autograph on my taint
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
