Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
