But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
