she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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