Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
