I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
