yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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