Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
