:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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