i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
