she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
