I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
