3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
