you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
