One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
