Swine flu. Run for my life!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
