Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
