that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.