I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.