Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.