I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it penis luge time yet?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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