The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??