new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia