..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
