now i know why i became what i already was.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
