I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
