My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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